Being a parent is one of the hardest things any of us will do. Becoming a parent is downright scary. At least it was for me. I’m not going to even pretend I know what mothers go through when they carry life within them, but I do remember those first few days after there was a baby in our house. I hate being in hospitals, but at least there you have the care of nurses and doctors. You have some respite. You have advice and help.
But then you go home. When we brought Annika home, we still had help. She’s the first grandchild on either side of our family, so her arrival was quite the event. Jess’ parents were there for a few days helping. Then my parents came and did the same.
And then they left. The hospital did not send us home with an instruction manual, although that would have been nice. (Congratulations on the arrival of your bundle of joy! She’s all yours, so don’t screw her up! Feeding instructions are on page 3. Don’t know how to change a diaper? Don’t worry! Go to page 5. Colicky? We’re sorry. Go to page 79, and we hope you know how to pray.)
Annika arrived in May, but May is still often cold in Michigan. Our first outing as a family of three must have taken us over 30 minutes to get ready for. We got the diaper bag set. We got her all dressed up. I put the baby carrier on, and we walked next door to World Market, where we walked around for all of 15 minutes before heading home, sure that just being out was risky. It took us days to muster up the courage to try again.
Fortunately, over time, parents come to understand their little ones. They adjust to this new way of life, and this new reality becomes normal. Thank God.
As I read Matthew’s birth story today, all of those early days of becoming a parent started flashing into my head. Matthew really tells this story more from Joseph’s perspective; we have to turn to Luke if we want to go deeper with Mary. These stories are familiar, but today I invite you to use your imagination to think about what you would have done if you were Joseph. While I’d love to know Jesus as intimately as his parents did, I’m glad that God in his wisdom didn’t choose me for this role. I’m not sure Jesus would have turned out.
Yet, it is Joseph who has the integrity and grace to hang in there with Mary in these difficult circumstances. It is Joseph who has the ability to listen well to God’s messenger about what is coming. Joseph listens and obeys. Joseph never utters a word in all of Scripture, yet it is his actions that reveal his character, for actions speak louder than words.
Until this week, I never thought that Joseph was responsible for shaping Jesus into the kind of person he would become. His parenting was key to Jesus fulfilling his mission. Who he was, his character, his actions — all of those — were vital for Jesus’ mission.
I think, deep down, we know this is true, but psychology has also proven this out. What we do speaks louder than what we say. There is plenty written on how to speak (and not speak) to our children. I know I try to explain why I’m doing something or not letting my kids do something, which has led them to calling me “paragraph,” because apparently my explanations are long. (I swear it’s because I’m trying to show them I respect their intelligence, but they’ve tuned me out before I’ve gotten through the explanation. Sigh.)
The way we behave is our most powerful tool in shaping our children because kids are so observant. They watch us from the moment they’re born. They see how we treat others, how we handle stress, and the choices we make. Our words pale in comparison to the importance of how we model behavior.
Because our kids are watching us, what we model teaches them so much. How do we handle stressful situations? Are we resilient when setbacks come? Do we listen to others with empathy? Are we honest when we talk? Do we model a balance of work and rest? Can we say “no”? Do we display healthy relationships with family and friends? Does our inner voice betray that we look down on ourselves or others?
Your children won’t remember every piece of advice you give — but they will remember what they saw you do. Your behaviors, especially the ordinary, everyday ones, leave a lasting imprint on how you manage emotions, relationships, and self-worth in their own lives.
Modeling matters, and I’m struck today at how well Joseph modeled behavior. He was the kind of earthly father that Jesus needed. Indeed, God knew what was best for Jesus, and sending him to Joseph and Mary would prepare him for his world-changing ministry.
To see the truth of this, let’s take a closer look at this familiar text. It begins by sharing the odd circumstances of Mary’s pregnancy. Right off the bat, it makes the claim that Jesus is the Messiah, which is something Matthew does in the first sentence of his gospel before going into his lengthy genealogy — this person was the father of that person, who was the father of that person, and so on — tracing things from Abraham all the way to Joseph.
In that time, the period of engagement was a serious matter. It was the time between betrothal and marriage, where the husband would prepare a place for the new family. Fidelity would be expected, and infidelity not only was a threat to the possible marriage, it was worse. The law of Moses found in Deuteronomy 22 stipulated that a person in Mary’s situation should be put to death. By Jesus’ day, rabbinic practice had backed away from this a bit, although the punishment was still severe. This was partly because only the Romans were allowed to enforce the death penalty, and they weren’t interested in doing that in a way that supported Jewish law. But the penalty for Mary’s position was still severe. She would forfeit the marriage contract and any dowry associated with it. A single mother would be in dire economic straits for sure. There were also symbolic public punishments, heaping shame onto a hard situation.
What does Joseph do? He plans to end the engagement but to do so quietly, which would limit some of the public humiliation that would come from this situation. Matthew calls Joseph a “righteous” man, meaning that he’s a person of upright character and just in his behavior. That righteousness leads to how he interprets faithfulness to the law, which, quite honestly, is something all of us do in how we navigate the complexities of life balanced with God’s call to live faithfully. We accept the Bible as authoritative for faith and practice, but we do not follow the letter of the law.
Just a couple of examples will be enough for now. Jesus tells us we are to wash each other’s feet, and Paul tells us to greet one another with holy kisses. Yet, I’m pretty sure you haven’t washed the feet of another as a sign of humility, and, rightfully, the greeters at the doors today did not bless you with a holy kiss, did they?
We reverence the words of Scripture, but we are sometimes torn between strictly interpreting them and the supreme demand of love that our faith calls us to. When we neglect the law, others may accuse of us not taking the Bible seriously and of being unrighteous. But Matthew calls Joseph “righteous,” even though he decided to act out of care for another person’s dignity rather than strictly obeying the law. Notice, too, that Joseph makes this decision before the angel visits him with the stunning news about the truth of Mary’s condition.
The depth of Joseph’s character is on full display in this passage, and matures throughout all of these challenging circumstances.
Before Joseph took any action, an angel of the Lord comes to Joseph in a dream, explaining what his happening. Mary hasn’t been unfaithful at all; this child is from the Holy Spirit. His name is to be Jesus, which is one of two names that show up in this angelic announcement.
The name Jesus has great meaning. Jesus in Greek is Yesous, which comes from the Hebrew Yeshua, which is a shortened form of the name Joshua. It connects Jesus to Moses because Joshua is the successor to what Moses was doing, just as Jesus will be. It was also a very popular name in Jesus’ day. We English speakers have set aside the name Jesus as special, but there were lots of Jesuses in his day, but I love that the Savior of the world has a common human name, another sign of how the divine is uniting with the human. The name also means the Lord saves or helps, which is exactly what the Lord is doing through this Jesus.
But there’s a second name given to him, coming from Isaiah 7. It’s Emmanuel, which means God with us. “The two names together express the meaning of the story. God is present, with his people; he doesn’t intervene from a distance, but is always active, sometimes in the most unexpected ways. And God’s actions are aimed at rescuing people from a helpless plight, demanding that he take the initiative and do things people had regarded as inconceivable.”
Following this visit, Joseph does precisely what the angel spoke to him. He never utters a word. He simply and decisively acts. Among other traits, Joseph models meekness. As another pastor observed, “He cast aside any claims he has and instead identifies and walks alongside the one who needs support to pursue the will of God. Joseph does so even though it might cost him. He is willing to stay present to the challenges his commitment will bring and he does so by relying on his quiet faith. Joseph proves himself to be exceedingly gentle and humble — just as we know Jesus will be.”
For the first time in my 47 years of life, it struck me that Jesus was who Jesus was, in part, because of who his fathers were, both his heavenly and earthly fathers. Because Jesus was Jesus, you know, God’s Son, I think I always pictured him as separate from other influences — as though he was born fully formed. I am now seeing that view as short-sighted.
I see Joseph in how Jesus treats those who have been beaten down by religious obligation, where Jesus points to mercy and grace rather than the impossibility of obedience. I see Joseph in how Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount reinterprets the law in a way that reflects how Joseph responded to Mary’s own unexpected and mysterious pregnancy. I see Joseph in how Jesus responds to the woman caught in adultery in John 8. At first Jesus says nothing, simply bending over and writing in the dust on the ground. Then he offers a severe mercy, that sends all the religious away with their understanding of the law challenged and that sends the woman away offering her a second chance at full life.
Joseph is Jesus’ adoptive father. God’s redemptive work happens by choosing to work in and through the commitment of humans, and Joseph is an unsung hero of how to model commitment.
Joseph is a bit of mystery as Jesus’ story goes forward. He’s there at the beginning, bravely fleeing Herod’s threats and seeking refuge in Egypt. He’s there when Jesus is twelve, and he and Mary faithfully bring Jesus to Jerusalem. Then he disappears from the story, but make no mistake, Joseph’s fingerprints are all over Jesus’ life and ministry.
He may never have uttered a word, but he listened and obeyed. We know actions are louder than words, but, friends, we see how true that is in Joseph’s life. He was deliberate in how he lived. He did not act rashly. He considered and then acted, and his patience was a part of how this Jesus story all comes together.
So, I close with this invitation. What kind of behavior are you modeling for those around you? Do your actions reveal the grace and love of God to your family, your coworkers, and your community? Or do they reflect something less than that?
Our actions speak far louder than our words, so, like Joseph, “be quick to listen, slow to speak” (James 1:19). Let the way you live show the world the love of God that resides in your heart.