What strikes me about this passage is how people deal with grief and how their faith plays a part in how they deal with grief.
For those of you who have experienced loss or have walked with someone who has experienced loss, what people expressed about God’s role in the midst of tragedy in our passage today may sound familiar to you: “Lord if you were present, my brother wouldn’t have died.” “If Jesus healed the blind why couldn’t he have prevented this man from dying?” Or to rephrase these sentiments: “Lord, where are you?” “God, how could you allow this to happen?”
Whenever we experience loss we tend to want an explanation for our loss. An explanation gives us a sense of control in the midst of uncontrollable grief. What is so maddening about grief is that we never know when it will rear its ugly head. Even when we try to ignore or stifle our grief it always finds a way to resurface no matter how much we try to push it down. Grief shows itself in the most unexpected ways and the most unexpected times. In our lack of control during times of grief we look for ways to have control. One way we do that is to explain why whatever loss we are grieving happened to us.
This is when we tend to say things like: “Everything happens for a reason.” “God allowed this because it’s a part of God’s plan.” “All things work for good for those who love God,” which is what Romans 8:28 states, but it is frequently quoted out of context. This implies that the terrible thing that happened to us is a good thing! But if God meant for it to be a good thing, why does it hurt so bad?
Kate Bowler, a professor at Duke Divinity School, had everything going for her. She was married to her high school sweetheart, thriving in her job, and was reveling in being a new mom. She was then diagnosed with stage four colon caner. In her book: “Everything happens for a reason: And Other Lies I’ve Loved,” Kate Bowler reflects how her faith in Jesus changed when she received this life changing news. She writes:
“‘Everything happens for a reason.’ The only thing worse than saying this is pretending that you know the reason. I’ve had hundreds of people tell me the reason for my cancer. Because of my sin. Because of my unfaithfulness. Because God is fair. Because God is unfair. Because of my aversion to Brussels sprouts. I mean, no one is short of reasons…When someone is drowning, the only thing worse than failing to throw them a life preserver is handing them a reason.”
When someone is hurting it’s best to let them feel whatever it is they’re feeling in the moment instead of jumping to trying to explain why they are hurting. Jesus did exactly that. Jesus made space for mourning, grief and tears. He didn’t tell Mary, Martha, and all those mourning Lazarus to get it together and move on with life. He didn’t say that Lazarus died because he was a sinner. He didn’t tell them to stop crying. But he did weep with them, and Jesus also stayed with them.
In this passage, we see that Jesus does not cause tragedy, but he brings beauty out of tragedy. He did not cause Lazarus to die, but Jesus brings out good in the midst of Lazarus’s death. I’m not talking just about Lazarus’s resurrection, although that obviously is a good thing that Jesus did. But there are many other instances of good that Jesus does and continues to do in our lives in the midst of loss and death. Jesus comes alongside Mary and Martha; Jesus felt their pain.
Jesus felt their pain on a deeper level, grieving the presence of death, which was never a part of God’s plan. He mourns that we must experience death at all. Yet, Jesus did not abandon the sisters or anyone else, even when they failed to understand that he was capable of raising someone from the dead.
Another good thing that Jesus brings out of this is that he makes space for grief. He also enters into the grieving process with them. While Jesus brings hope, there is still grieving. Two things can be true: We can experience grief and hope at the same time. We can grieve and be hopeful at the same time. Jesus honors the reality that we can be grieving and hopeful simultaneously. It’s one of the surprising ways Jesus brings about good in the midst of loss. Permission and freedom to feel deep sadness, while also knowing that Jesus is our hope.
It’s why he says to Martha: “I am the resurrection and the life,” The resurrection is not just a distant event, but something available to us now through Jesus. Even in death, whether it’s death of a loved one, death of a relationship, death of a dream, in Jesus we are offered new life. It doesn’t mean we are spared from disappointment or deep pain or grief. We will all experience death. Lazarus eventually dies a death where he is not instantly resurrected. But Jesus promises us not just life after this life ends, but new life for the right here and now when it may feel hopeless.
A friend from college posted on Instagram last week: “Please save your Bible verses for another time. Right now I just need to be sad.”
My guess is that people were posting scripture passages out of context such as: “You can do anything through Christ who gives you strength!” “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” I do wish someone had sent this person our passage from John today. So my friend could be reminded that Jesus never asks us to bypass grief. But he does want us to know that he is with us in our grief and that because of Christ’s resurrection, grief and and death never have the final say.
Ted Lasso is one of the best television shows ever made. It was released during the pandemic and became wildly popular. If you haven’t seen it, and I implore you to watch it, it’s about an American Division 2 college football coach named Ted Lasso who accepts a coaching position for a premier football (soccer) team in England. Hilarity ensues when it becomes clear right away that Ted is out of his element and knows nothing about soccer (or football if you side with the Brits and Europeans and prefer the correct term).
But it was a show we all desperately needed in 2020. While Ted’s eternal optimism at first appears as toxic positivity, it’s actually not a show of how to be happy, but how to deal with sadness. The show delves into hard issues such as divorce, mental health, career ending injuries, racism and betrayal by those you trusted the most. The show doesn’t gloss over the pain that such topics cause, but rather explores what can happen when you face pain head on.
At the end of season one, AFC Richmond, the team that Ted coaches, has to win this one game otherwise they will be demoted to an inferior league. You think they’ve pulled through, but at the last few seconds they lose the match.
After the game everyone is of course despondent. And it’s up to Ted to offer some words of encouragement. He does do that, but then he says to the team:
“This is a sad moment. And there’s nothing I can say up here that can take that away. But do me a favor lift up your head and look around. I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad—and that is being alone and being sad. Ain’t nobody here in this locker room is alone.”
We were made to be in relationship with one another. Especially in times of loss and sadness. Above all, we were made to be in relationship with God. Especially in times of loss and sadness. Jesus is clear that he is with us in our grief and loss. We are not alone. God has given us each other, and God has given us himself as Jesus Christ. While we may be experiencing sadness and grief, we are never alone. I’d add to Ted Lasso’s speech: “What’s worse than being sad and alone is being sad with no hope. But look up and look around. No one here is without hope. Jesus has promised new life not just when this life ends, but new life for the here and now, Even in the midst of deep loss. That is what it means to say Jesus himself is the resurrection and new life who never leaves us, even in our darkest moments.
